The Folly of Fear

Fear cripples. I have a shoulder injury that is absolutely a result of fear. It was about 5 years ago and I was standing up on the back of a sled being pulled by a snow mobile. I just KNEW that I was going to fall off…fear was playing tricks on me…and so I let go. If only I had let go just a few seconds later when we were back on fluffy, deep snow, but no, I let loose over the hard-packed icy stuff, and I am still feeling the impact of that fall today. Easy to see the object lesson here…hard to assimilate it into my gut.

I remember as a kid lying paralyzed–irrational, white-ice fear having descended upon me out of nowhere at night. The first song I wrote came from a scripture that my mom gave me to combat this fear; Isaiah 41:10—“Fear not thou Jacob for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God. I will help you, I will hold you in my hand.” (my translation)

Ironically, I struggled with this kind of fear up until I went to Israel. Even when we were having to run to the bomb shelters and never knew when we would have to run there next I never experienced fear like that while living there. (Adrenaline, yes!)

After returning to the states, I had a few more bouts of it. We laugh about this now, but one time I woke Milton up to pray for me—he put his hand on me and prayed about sheet rock and something else related to work. (He was working as a construction boss, newspaper deliverer and youth pastor…he was tired!) Eventually, the fear lost its landing pad as God’s love and goodness became more and more real to me.

But…I went skiing Saturday…and man, fear reared its ugly, destructive head again. My first run (down the bunny slope I confess) I pizza wedged and faltered all the way down. It would have been so easy to stop, but the second run I felt more comfortable and I went five times until I was ready to go down a long green slope that we all love. I was doing great—but then I came to that one curve that I have fallen down on so many times. Fear messed with my head again…and I fell.

I couldn’t make that run again that day because a knee I have been having trouble with started screaming. I hope to get that taken care of so that next year I can attack that hilly curve. I am not willing to allow fear to have it.